WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES
I DON’T MESS WITH DOORS ON A TRAIN. I’M OFTEN THE FIRST TO OPEN THEM WHEN GETTING OFF, BUT WHEN PEOPLE ARE GETTING ON I STAY IN THE SECOND CHAIR. SOMEONE ELSE CAN TAKE ON THE POSSIBLE EMBARRASSMENT OF NOT BEING ABLE TO OPEN THE DOOR.
A common idea that there’s always another opportunity to move forward in life. Well, in most cases yes, but not in terms of commuting. I was having quite an average day. I woke up, which was a good start, and headed to work. I had a good day. It was rather warm, but I didn’t feel as if I would disintegrate. I was burning alive to a point I questioned jumping in a sewer. In my mind, although the sewage system in London is probably a shitstorm, I’ve swam in places later revealed to have a large amount of shit and waste in, so the damage has been done, and I was ready to accept that to be cold for a short second before being succumbed in a custard‑like substance of fermented waste. Anyways, I got on the train home after being baked alive by the tube.
I sat in my usual seat, which is still undisclosed, as I believe it is the best seat on a train by far. I don’t want to lose that. We approached a station where my train always divides, and this time it did. A young man boarded the train. Probably a similar age to me, but that doesn’t help you, so I’ll say post‑2000 and let you feel old about yourself. I was sat in the first carriage as it’s the shortest distance from the train to the exit of the station, so I’m lazy and I don’t care.
He wanted to walk from the first to the second carriage. You might be thinking why didn’t he just get on in the second carriage if he wanted 2nd‑class service. And I know that’s not how service works on a train, but it’s nice to think there’s a 10th or 12th‑class service where there aren’t any seats, just a row of hay, which is probably more comfortable than a train seat.
Anyway, as he was on his approach to open the doors of the carriage divider, he pressed the button with enough oomph for it to go in but not enough support or emotional conviction to open — or so he thought. The things people do when no one is watching truly baffle me. Like trying to open a door that instantly rejects you as a person. He looked around, praying that no one had seen his attempt to press a button, which who knows why he was embarrassed by, as it was completely out of his control and we were all learning for the first time that this door has a preference. I’m kidding — I’m guessing it was broken from the start, but he was the first person to give it a bash.
After checking again, he went for a second push. With more power in his stride, he was going to march through the door and hope the door concedes to his face. It didn’t. And again he looked around hoping no one could see him. We made eye contact; I think I was probably the only person watching. It was quite an odd interaction — he was looking sheepish as he couldn’t get something so simple to work, and I was having a blast listening to Che La Luna.
The divide in the train takes a good 12 minutes on a good day. So he had time, repeating the same process of pressing a button and hoping something happened.
50 presses later, after a spam of pushes — maybe a constant rage for 20 presses — door one opened. I almost gave him a round of applause but halted myself as he was halfway there. Trains have two doors between carriages, so he had to get the other bastard to open, and luckily the first one was now stuck open. He could either manually attempt to unlock the other but risk being stuck between the two if the other door closed. He chose to keep his feet planted and try to open the door from inside the first carriage. At this point everyone was watching, so with all of his bravery he kept going; to his avail nothing happened. He gave in and sat down.
Arriving at the final station, some unlucky bugger in carriage 2, not knowing the previous struggles, marched in and was greeted by a door in the face. Perplexed, he started pressing buttons, and the loop begins. Commuters keep silence on their journey, so everyone’s problem is one that’s already been faced before.