handbags & a Rogue Cyclist

Introduction

When I want some fresh air or do not want to partake in a human centipede or be someoneʼs armrest, I decide I might try walking. I have to walk from London Bridge towards Bank, and I think this has never been a boring journey. Something always happens.

I have noticed that buses in London do not follow the rules of the road. I once had a driving test, which I failed, but the lady who went before me was different. It was her third attempt, and it was clear she did not know what she was doing. Towards the exit of the test centre, there is quite a sharp left turn. As she approached it, it happened in one swift moment. She turned too soon, ignored the stop sign, and went over the kerb with all four wheels. What an achievement, as managing to do that is quite remarkable. Her test was aborted, and I still do not know whether she passed. The point of that story was to say that if you can run over people walking on the path, you should not be in charge of a car.

But then we come to London and the bus drivers. Most are great, but there is a sprinkle of them that mount the curb when taking a corner, and my God, it is scary. For me, I am just scared I am going to get whacked by the door mirror as it drives past.

The Incident

Back to the story. I approached some traffic lights and decided I would do the sensible thing of taking a step back, just in case the moronic bus driver was out for blood. Then this very sassy lady strutted down the road, her confidence clouding her judgment. She stopped at the edge of the road and pivoted so that her bag was in the road, staring down at oncoming traffic. That is a level of craziness I do not understand. And this was the start of a roller coaster.

The bus passed by fine. Then this guy on a Lime bike was approaching. I clocked him a few hundred yards away. Then I saw how close he was to the pavement. I looked at the ladyʼs bag, then back at the cyclist, then at the bike. It was clear it would not be a fun journey for those two.

The bike clipped the ladyʼs bag and sent her into a twirl, sounds better than a tumble to a hard concussion. She hit me, and we both went down. Well, I do not know if it was the concussion from hitting the concrete or just the moments of shock, but as I regained consciousness, I gazed into the road and saw the biker had performed the greatest handbrake turn no one has ever seen on a Lime bike. Then he gave me a look of disapproval for reasons I do not know, as I was not involved in this stupidity, and just cycled away. What a Child.

Conclusion

I was late to work and had ruined a lovely pair of chinos.