Fucking Shoelaces

From start to finish, there are multiple places to tie your shoelaces, from before you fucking leave to when seated on a steady, slow train, or stationary on the platform waiting for the train.

There are also places where I feel you shouldn’t tie shoelaces. For example, on a tube or just before you go through the ticket barrier. Especially on the tube, if it’s busy, there are multiple factors you need to account for. You need to be in peak physical condition, have the correct type of shoes, and have the efficiency to tie them when it comes to it.

On a tube? Balance. You shouldn’t crouch down and sink to the floor to tie said shoelaces, as I doubt it will smell great down there. So now, one-legged, try and do that whilst on a tube. And you can’t hold onto anything, because you need two hands to tie your shoes if you want a bow that stays.

If you can do all of this without falling over or shoulder barging your fellow commuters, I respect you. But for everyone else who tries to do that, what is wrong with you?

If your shoe lacing ability can’t last a good two hours, maybe you should drop down to Velcro. And one day, you might be able to try again. But for now, just take the low road. It’s fine. You belong there.