Shoes & Hairdryers
F**KING SHOELACES
From start to finish, there are multiple places to tie your shoelaces, from before you fucking leave to when seated on a steady, slow train, or stationary on the platform waiting for the train. There are also places where I feel you shouldn’t tie shoelaces. For example, on a tube or just before you go through the ticket barrier. Especially on the tube, if it’s busy, there are multiple factors you need to account for.
You need to be in peak physical condition, have the correct type of shoes, and have the efficiency to tie them when it comes to it.
On a tube? Balance. You shouldn’t crouch down and sink to the floor to tie said shoelaces, as I doubt it will smell great down there. So now, one-legged, try and do that whilst on a tube. And you can’t hold onto anything, because you need two hands to tie your shoes if you want a bow that stays.
If you can do all of this without falling over or shoulder barging your fellow commuters, I respect you. But for everyone else who tries to do that, what is wrong with you? If your shoe lacing ability can’t last a good two hours, maybe you should drop down to Velcro. And one day, you might be able to try again. But for now, just take the low road. It’s fine. You belong there.A HAIRDRYER
As someone who doesn’t frequently use a hairdryer, I do at least know how they work. But there was a testing area, which, frankly, made no sense. For one, you probably don’t have wet hair at the airport, especially during those early morning flights. So what exactly are you testing? Blasting hot air onto your face? How does that persuade anyone to buy it?
I suppose it’s the same logic as buying a kitchen tap and sink, you wouldn’t expect a testing area where you could wash some dishes or fill up a tub. Or a bed. You can’t exactly lie down and get a feel for it before purchasing. And yet, when it comes to buying a car, test driving is an absolute necessity. None of it makes sense to me.
Then there are the clothing shops in the duty-free area, which, to be fair, proved useful when I realised I’d forgotten my swim shorts. But the atmosphere? Not ideal. The store blared intense techno music, which might be great in another setting, just not when you’re trying to decide between blue or black shorts.
It made the decision-making process unnecessarily stressful. I feel like I’m too old to shop in a place like that, even though I’m barely an adult. I feel I have the mental age of an elderly man or a stereotypical elderly gentleman. My favourite biscuit is a good Rich Tea, and I love listening to BBC Radio 2. I have a strong passion for Yorkshire Tea, and I can’t handle subtle changes in temperature.
I’ll end by saying I’ve never bought a car, nor a bed, nor a sink. But I think that’s what it’s like.