Tickets please?

They are one of the most annoying things in the world Top of the list is squeaky poorly assembled furniture during an exam Fuck that's painful to sit through or leg room on a plane but that's more specific to the tall folks

Firstly we have to tackle ticket barriers and how messed up they are What is their purpose A checkpoint or toll booth to get to where you need to be Basically you are trapped But no you aren't as these things don't stop when some moron decides I'm not going to pay and just barges through the barrier Where is the resistance A one way door If you tried to open it the other way would it open Probably not Why can't barriers stay closed when they are needed It's so stupid

Then we glide on down to where the ticket goes Sometimes tickets work and other times they don't and then you become the problem Picture this You have just been almost suffocated on the tube and the doors open so you sprint for the escalator but this elderly man decides today is the day he will prove his grandson wrong and climb the escalator So he's dying stopping every step for a breath and to regain consciousness He loses the battle and slides to the right grabs the handrail and then keels over You stride past then you reach the top and you see the row of empty barriers and it's just your luck You pull out the ticket you've been using for your entire journey the one that has been working perfectly for every barrier up until this point so it should be fine You put it

A long pause, and it comes straight back, and the comforting orange light sprays red. You have lost There are around fifty passengers queuing behind you and you can't move, as everyone has decided not to stand in a queue but sort of huddle around the barrier hoping to squeeze in

You know when you are driving and the lanes merge If a car comes all the way down to the point where the cars merge, do you let them In Probably not, which I think explains why no one gets out of the way when I have a problem with my car.

Flimsy piece of rubbish